Author Topic: "Platonic"? Friends..  (Read 212 times)

Description: How' platonic' are friends of the opposite sex, and how are issues dealth with.

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Offline Romans5-8

"Platonic"? Friends..
« on: August 13, 2016, 03:10:22 PM »

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Hi all,
I've been a member (haunter) of Christians Together for just over two years now and thought I'd have a bash at posting a topic for discussion.
This topic is one that will have many views and also sub-divisions within a main view.

The question is this:
How much attention is 'too much attention' to pay a member of the opposite sex when one is in a relationship? For the benefit of simplicity, and to not complicate the issue, I am sure we can outline that it doesn't greatly matter whether we are talking about a Christian relationship or a Secular one.

The 3rd party, now 3rdP, (as we will refer to the said member or the opposite sex) could be an ex, a platonic friend with no 'history', a mutual friend, a co-worker or a shop assistant. It could be anyone that one may see and/or engage with to a degree.

a) should one stop and make small talk when one bumps into an ex? - whether on one's own, or whether out with your spouse? If on your own - do you mention it when you get home?

b) when one is being assisted in a shop, should it be as in the 'good old days' where it was quite formal, surnames only and focusing on the business transaction at hand? As opposed to today's over familiar, and often flirty, type of salesmanship behaviour?

c) chatting to a co-worker of the opposites sex is of course necessary at work, but is it strictly only work-talk? Very likely not, but where does one draw the line in the amount of time and depth of conversation one has? Do you look forward to seeing them at work? Does a group of you have lunch? If it's just you this time and the 3rdP ? do you go along to lunch on your own with him/her?

There are other scenarios of course but these are enough to demonstrate the idea.
The most obvious knee-jerk reaction is to say to one's spouse ?Oh, you're just jealous?, or ?you're insecure?. But there is such a thing as righteous jealousy.

I won't say any more as I don't want to shape any opinions and ideas. I wanted to leave this as open as possible to see what people think. Everyone has an opinion on this and everyone must have had dealings with their spouse on this topic.

Look forward to your views and experiences.

Richard



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Offline Seeker

Re: "Platonic"? Friends..
« Reply #1 on: August 13, 2016, 05:12:12 PM »
Hhmmm dare I say using some common sense and sensible judgement?

For example if it feels flirty it most likely is. Here's some more questions :D, is flirting ever save? Should one be flirting if one is in a relationship with someone else? Is some flirting harmless?, where does it cross the line?

I think these are questions that one needs to ask themselves, if it feels wrong, perhaps it is?

However just being civil with another person, including the opposite sex, I don't see an issue with that. Maybe avoid risky situations, especially if you feel attracted to another and you are all ready in a relationship.

Offline John

Re: "Platonic"? Friends..
« Reply #2 on: August 13, 2016, 05:27:23 PM »
In my opinion one should be polite with members of the opposite sex. Talking to an x again be friendly, but avoid any suggestion of intermacy and be open with your own significant other.
Work collegues can be a special case, in that your with them everyday and you all know each other well. There is often a close friendship between collegues on a team, even of the opposite sex.
It is up to you to ensure that banter etc does not slip into inapropreate comments or that the friendship gets more intimate.

There is a good case for treating all members of the opposite sex as special, but of treating your significant other as even more special.
Prevention is always better than a cure, so avoid getting into situations that make you vunerable.
Billy Graham refused to be alone in his office with his secretary, when dictating letters he always left his office door open.
If you think you might compromise your relationship by an action etc, don't do it.

Offline Romans5-8

Re: "Platonic"? Friends..
« Reply #3 on: August 13, 2016, 05:30:34 PM »
I think that flirting with another is not only dangerous but also unacceptable. If one loves their spouse then one shouldn't feel flirty with anyone but their spouse. Being civil is the key - a very good way of putting it.

I wrote this particularly from the view of a person being accused of flirting by their spouse.
Some couples though have the sort of relationship where they carry on being friends with exes and the like. I don't get that all..

Offline Romans5-8

Re: "Platonic"? Friends..
« Reply #4 on: August 13, 2016, 05:51:41 PM »
Work collegues can be a special case, in that your with them everyday and you all know each other well. There is often a close friendship between collegues on a team, even of the opposite sex.
It is up to you to ensure that banter etc does not slip into inapropreate comments or that the friendship gets more intimate.

This is where it gets complex. Banter may not be the issue between the MOTOS (Member Of The Opposite Sex). It may be that he/she finds comfort in your company and treats you as a confidant. Then the MOTOS may assume that you'll keep a confidence  - even from one's spouse.
Even if one isn't asked to keep a confidence, the MOTOS may seek your help and you find you're having to devote a lot of time thinking about them etc.

These may seem convoluted scenarios but I have been personally entangled in such situations - in a very negative manner. Even if one is very innocently being kind and courteous to a MOTOS is it pretty hard to defend oneself without looking like one sticking up for said MOTOS.

Offline John

Re: "Platonic"? Friends..
« Reply #5 on: August 13, 2016, 08:18:31 PM »
In my experience girls seek advice from girls and rarely seek confidential advice from males.

If you are being asked for advice, ask about sharing with your wife/girlfriend, if you can't share then I'd be reluctant to offer advice.
Keeping my wife informed of contact with other females is more important than disappointing a motos.
Your experience shows the need to keep the maximun separation possible between you and other motos, even if that hurts them.

Diana

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Re: "Platonic"? Friends..
« Reply #6 on: January 16, 2017, 01:51:02 AM »
I think that sensible boundaries are a good idea in making sure things don't go to far. For example, no drinks/meals alone together, no texting unless its specifically work related, no discussing personal problems, basically don't do anything that you wouldn't do if your spouse was there. Flirting is wrong period.

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