Author Topic: Gift of Singleness - Baloney!  (Read 215 times)

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Offline HalfFullGuy

Gift of Singleness - Baloney!
« on: November 20, 2015, 12:57:17 PM »

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What do you think of the gift of singleness? I've been reading some sites talking about how we're free to serve, free to focus on God, we have less things tying us down.

But is that true in this day and age?

I find living as a single person exceptionally difficult. There isn't necessarily an expectation I should have kids and settle down, but as a single person, it is difficult forming friendship, relationship and fellowship with people who are more family orientated. It's harder to serve these people and it's harder to be served by them. As a single male, I've had people openly admit they think Im "no good" - in other words, Im a potential abuser.

Apart from God, I have no one to share my problems with, no one to motivate me, no one to spark with. Some days I do need a hug, I need someone to hold my hand. I need to share with those around me. Life is lonely.

Life takes up too much time. I have no one to share my burden with. I have no one who can help deal with the day to day tasks. I cook my own meals, do my own shopping, do my own cleaning. Work, training, chores.

Life takes up too much money. Im not sharing a financial burden with anybody, it's impossible for me on my meagre salary to finance a house and pay the bills. I shared a flat with a friend of mine, that if I was to do that alone, I'd be spending around ?800 a month for a hovel of damp and cold and fungus on the wall. Add on food, and commuting, and telephone, and Im looking at an additional ?400. Oh look. ?1200 a month to exist. Great. Hope I wouldn't need to buy a car or any white goods at any time.

But if I shared with someone else?

I think the gift of singleness in this day and age is baloney.






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Offline Jesus4me

Re: Gift of Singleness - Baloney!
« Reply #1 on: November 20, 2015, 04:21:28 PM »
What do you think of the gift of singleness? I've been reading some sites talking about how we're free to serve, free to focus on God, we have less things tying us down.

But is that true in this day and age?

I find living as a single person exceptionally difficult. There isn't necessarily an expectation I should have kids and settle down, but as a single person, it is difficult forming friendship, relationship and fellowship with people who are more family orientated. It's harder to serve these people and it's harder to be served by them. As a single male, I've had people openly admit they think Im "no good" - in other words, Im a potential abuser.

Apart from God, I have no one to share my problems with, no one to motivate me, no one to spark with. Some days I do need a hug, I need someone to hold my hand. I need to share with those around me. Life is lonely.

Life takes up too much time. I have no one to share my burden with. I have no one who can help deal with the day to day tasks. I cook my own meals, do my own shopping, do my own cleaning. Work, training, chores.

Life takes up too much money. Im not sharing a financial burden with anybody, it's impossible for me on my meagre salary to finance a house and pay the bills. I shared a flat with a friend of mine, that if I was to do that alone, I'd be spending around ?800 a month for a hovel of damp and cold and fungus on the wall. Add on food, and commuting, and telephone, and Im looking at an additional ?400. Oh look. ?1200 a month to exist. Great. Hope I wouldn't need to buy a car or any white goods at any time.

But if I shared with someone else?

I think the gift of singleness in this day and age is baloney.


Have you ever though of casting all you care on the Lord, 1 Pet 5: 8, Because not only does He care for you, but H want's to meet ALL your needs. Phil 4: 19.
Teaching God's liberating truth

Offline HalfFullGuy

Re: Gift of Singleness - Baloney!
« Reply #2 on: November 20, 2015, 06:59:42 PM »
I do understand, I build (or at least want to build) my rock upon Christ.

I do bring everything to him, but casting everything on him is a little difficult. I mean I do cast everything on it, but I do think a bit too much, and I am in the midst of the situation not knowing which direction to go in.

There are many things I care less about, many things I care less of terms of consequences. Cest la via, whatever will be, things I have to do and put my faith and trust in the Lord. The problem comes when it is time for me to make a decision. I have few signs, very little guidance.

And when it comes to singleness, even throwing that on the lord, praying about it, and just going on through life, doesn't actually stop singleness from being quite an expensive and lonely place to be in, in this day and age.


Offline Jesus4me

Re: Gift of Singleness - Baloney!
« Reply #3 on: November 20, 2015, 08:23:40 PM »
I do understand, I build (or at least want to build) my rock upon Christ.

I do bring everything to him, but casting everything on him is a little difficult. I mean I do cast everything on it, but I do think a bit too much, and I am in the midst of the situation not knowing which direction to go in.

There are many things I care less about, many things I care less of terms of consequences. Cest la via, whatever will be, things I have to do and put my faith and trust in the Lord. The problem comes when it is time for me to make a decision. I have few signs, very little guidance.

And when it comes to singleness, even throwing that on the lord, praying about it, and just going on through life, doesn't actually stop singleness from being quite an expensive and lonely place to be in, in this day and age.


James 1: 5, says if we lack wisdom, [Not knowing what to do], Then ask God, and He shall give it you.
So ask God for wisdom in every area of your life, and every time you need to make a decision. Then confess,
"I have the mind of Christ, I have the wisdom of God, I know what to do".

Then keep thanking God for the wisdom and knowledge of what you should do.
You have the mind of Christ, 1 Cor 2: 16. See V9--16.
Your spirit knows what's in you, and God's Spirit knows the things of God, v11. And when your spirit is connected to God's Spirit, You have tapped into the source of all wisdom, and God will reveal things to you.
Teaching God's liberating truth

Offline Isilme

Re: Gift of Singleness - Baloney!
« Reply #4 on: November 30, 2015, 11:37:11 PM »
HFG - Yes, it is difficult to be a single person when you desire to have someone to share your life with.
I was single for 48 years before I met my beloved. Sometimes you DO need a hug. You DO need contact with people. You DO need to have someone you can bare your soul to, who thinks the same way you do. You need someone to share the burdens with (not talking spiritual burdens but earthly burdens. Like money. Problems. Time, etc) You even need someone to moan to.

For 30 years I learned to relate to God and knew Him to a greater depth than many of the folk in my church. By this, I don't mean I was holier than others. I mean I couldn't find another person who I could talk to who was on the same page as me. Most of the people in my church were not interested in talking about God in any depth. The majority did not know how to hear His voice.

And, like you, I heard all the arguments and verses from well-meaning Christians. But however close to God you are, sometimes it's a flesh-and-blood hug you need. Not that He can't use other people's arms. But I know how lonely it can get.

In fact, I lost count of the number of people who told me that God had clearly given me the gift of singleness. No, He jolly well hadn't. Where in the Bible is there mention of an actual gift of singleness? And don't quote Corinthians at me. Paul clearly says (1 Cor 7:25) it is his own opinion and NOT something from the Lord. But there IS the mention of "It is not good for a man to be alone." (Gen 2:18)

From looking at God's character, I see He wants people to take care of the widows and orphans. I find He is a God who is father to the fatherless - Psalm 68:5-6 says this - including "He sets the lonely in families". From what I read, God doesn't intend people to be alone.

Yes, I know that it happens that some people end up alone who didn't want to be. But it's the exception rather than the rule. And even if someone is single and doesn't want to be married, they STILL NEED PEOPLE TO RELATE TO.

I do think that the whole situation is a legitimate thing to ask God to speak to you about. Before I got together with my beloved, I had spoken at length with God over the preceding years. I'd even asked Him (half jokingly) to arrange my marriage. It was some years after that when I met my husband. In fact, during a prayer time, I clearly heard God say to call my husband to me. Not the sort of thing I normally did at that time - but I did as He said and the rest, as they say, is history.

I would suggest you spend some time chatting to the Lord about how you feel and the whole situation. Then listen to what He has to say. Keep doing that until you hear HIS word for the situation. Then you can pour all your faith into HIS word to your heart.


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