Author Topic: Argument over my mum's ashes  (Read 68 times)

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Offline leer0y

Argument over my mum's ashes
« on: December 15, 2018, 11:34:00 AM »

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Hi All,

My mum passed away back in 1998 and since then, my sister A, has held her ashes in her home. Myself and my other sister B, are more than happy for her to have possession of them because she gets great comfort from having them near, and personally speaking I don't think she's ready to part with them yet anyway (albeit something she probably needs to deal with).

We're currently having an issue because sister B has asked if she could have a small amount of mum's ashes to put in a necklace to wear close to her, and pass on to her daughter as a kind of heirloom when she goes.

The issue is that sister A's husband who also knew our mom well (an extremely controlling bully) has said that sister B cannot have any ashes because he thinks that our mum's christian faith would've meant she wouldn't have wanted to be separated, and keeps quoting puritanically, that it says in the Bible 'Ashes to ashes, dust to dust'.

Indeed our mum had a very strong faith and belief in the Church of England, but all three of us siblings feel that sister B's request is okay, and our mum would've granted her wish. The husband who legally has no say in this matter is proving very hard to deal with though, and has said "You'll get some ashes, but they won't be your mum's", to my sister.

I'd like to know how the Christian population feel about this issue, because even though I spent my whole life with my mum and probably knew her best, I'd like to specifically know more about how the Church of England view separating ashes, which may have influenced her decision on this in a way I don't fully appreciate!

Many thanks!



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Offline davetaff

Re: Argument over my mum's ashes
« Reply #1 on: December 15, 2018, 02:58:02 PM »
Hi leeroy
Welcome to the site I see you have started with a question that is not easy to answer without offending someone but I will do my best my own opinion is it is not worth fighting over the mother you loved is not in a pot of ashes she is in your heart and nothing can change that she is also in the hearts of your sisters.

here are some wise words from St Paul.

1Co 15:36  Thou fool, that which thou sowest is not quickened, except it die:
1Co 15:37  And that which thou sowest, thou sowest not that body that shall be, but bare grain, it may chance of wheat, or of some other grain:
1Co 15:38  But God giveth it a body as it hath pleased him, and to every seed his own body.
     


So as you can see the resurrection body is not the body we have had in this life but a new body God dose not need the ashes of the old body so they are not worth fighting over.

As for your brother in laws quote of "ashes to ashes dust to dust" you can inform him that it dose not appear anywhere in the Bible and if he is going to Quote the bible to make sure it is correct.


You can?t find ?ashes to ashes, dust to dust? in the Bible because it isn?t there! The phrase comes from the funeral service in the Book of Common Prayer, and it is based on Genesis 3:19, Genesis 18:27, Job 30:19, and Ecclesiastes 3:20. Those passages say that we begin and end as dust. Where did the ashes come from? The compilers of the Book of Common Prayer were careful to produce what is called metrical text?text that when a congregation reads it, it all comes out even. So they pulled in Genesis 18:27 and Job 30:19, in which dust and ashes are both components of the human body. It?s also in Sirach 10:9 in the Apocrypha. (Sirach is also known as Ecclesiasticus.)         


that was a snippet from a google search I done after trying to find the quote in the bible up to now I thought it was thank for leading me to something new.


Love and Peace

Dave

Offline leer0y

Re: Argument over my mum's ashes
« Reply #2 on: December 15, 2018, 03:13:07 PM »
Thanks Dave!

I really appreciate your unbiased opinion. We all want to respect mum's faith and belief in God, so it's important to do the right thing.

I tend to agree that the body is just a vessel for the soul, and therefore the ashes need to be scattered so that we can remember her in spirit.

Offline davetaff

Re: Argument over my mum's ashes
« Reply #3 on: December 15, 2018, 05:03:40 PM »
Hi Leeroy
Thank you you may find this from a wise man a comfort.

Ecc 12:7  Then shall the dust return to the earth as it was: and the spirit shall return unto God who gave it.
   


Love and Peace
Dave

Offline John

Re: Argument over my mum's ashes
« Reply #4 on: January 03, 2019, 07:06:06 AM »
Greetings Leeroy,
                          Only just seen this thread.

You've discribed the problem when you said 'an extremely controlling bully'. He is using this as an opertunity to controll and bully and unless someone is prepared to confront him he will continue to do so and even if forced to back down out of spite he will do as he says and supply any ash.

If your sister really want some of the ash the only way she will get it will be to have the ashes scattered and to pick some up.

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